Go easy and start from a place of love
Embracing yogic teachings of inherent worth to shift from optimisation pressure; a post-road trip stretch out practice; burrito bowls and trying to be #unruffled
It’s been so nice lately to welcome new members to the Heartfelt membership, some who have shared they want to start new habits and try to prioritise themselves in their day to day as much as they do their family. I’ve also had several conversations with those of us trying to intentionally do something different, shift a behaviour or bring awareness to a way of being. A friend wanting to more consciously create the family Christmas that reflects her values and brings joy rather than stress. A mate getting brave with asking family members to please refrain from diet talk or fat phobia at holiday catch ups.
@thisisaliceskinner
I think it’s especially important to actively remind ourselves each day that we can approach these changes from a place of enoughness, inherent value, worth and ‘okayness’. That is, we can be okay as is, we are okay as is, but we can also move towards what we want, without that needing to mean there’s a big problem with things as they are.
It’s such a subtle shift. It’s a ‘pivot’, to use that incredibly overused phrase. It’s about the starting point being love, of yourself, of life, with all its utter imperfection.
We are OK as is. In fact, we are more than okay. The life force and potential of our miraculous, crazily complex, uniquely beautiful, fascinating bodies and minds means we don’t have to do anything to be worthy. It is abundantly clear when you look at our own bubs that even if they just sat there like a spud their whole life, they’d be worthy. They’d be loved. They’d be perfect. So why are we different?
Probably because of the dominant ideas of what makes a person and life worthy and successful, which are entirely socially and culturally constructed and which are defined by stories of ‘lack’.
It’s helpful to return to yogic philosophy to remind ourselves that this is not some trite, made up, Instagram cliche. It’s been taught long before viral posts.
“The notion of having to do anything to improve ourselves, to get to some better state, is itself the problem that prevents us from enjoying the profundity of the flesh, the livingness of the life current, that is our very condition and birthright. We suffer because we try to be something else.”
- Mark Whitwell, Yoga of Heart
My goal with Heartfelt isn’t to sell a promise of ‘If you move for 15 minutes a day you will be happy and healthy’. It’s to share what I know deep down to be true, even if I struggle every day to remember and believe it myself, which is: There is Nowhere To Go. Everything we need, we already have. We can move well and meditate and shit things will still happen. We can only cultivate particular attitudes to that inevitability.
The practice is to sit in, and move in, embodied awareness of the reality that that is exactly how it’s “meant” to be - how could it be any other way? We have no true control. All we can do is trust that we are enough. We will bear life’s challenges with grace if we continue the practice of loving kindness, compassion, peace, self worth. To practice trusting it, until slowly over time, you live it, because deep inside, you know it is truth.
Trying to get somewhere, as if you’re not somewhere, as if you’re not the wonder of the cosmos, is not Yoga. The only reason we choose to do Yoga is for the pleasure — the literal pleasure — of our systems relaxing and filling with energy. It is not some struggle to enjoy a future result.
- Mark Whitwell, Yoga of Heart
The Practice:
This is an 8 minute ‘Post Road Trip’ Burst I added to the membership this week, for after those big drives we do at this time of year, to stretch out and mobilise those stiff shoulders and hips. Even if no driving is on the cards, it’s perfect for those mums who’ve been spending a long time sitting (feeding, anyone?)
The Rundown:
Eating:
It was hot and steamy in Melbourne for a bit these past weeks, so I’ve been shamelessly copying a menu item from a local cafe and recreating different versions of a breakfast burrito bowl for a late-ish brunch that tends to keep me going for quite a while. I serve it with toast because #carbshelpmybrainwork. What seems to work well is preparing the sweet potato, corn, beans and mushies ahead of time, then keeping it in the fridge and when you’re ready to eat, warming a serve and tossing through baby spinach, coriander if you have any/don’t hate it, feta, a scrambled or fried egg, some jalapeños from a jar, some avo - whatever else floats your boat.
Reading:
I am tired of protagonists that are childless sad millennials having lots of casual sex, and equally of lonely and dissatisfied mums (I know, I know - but these two types have unintentionally dominated my last ~2 years of fiction). Hence, I’m really enjoying the start of Great Circle, reviewed here. It’s got what I like in a book for this time of year: escapism, a plot to hook and hold me, and is long enough to take me up to Chrissy and maybe the days afterwards, when it can be a tricky time to get into something new.
Watching:
Season three of Succession. Everyone is awful but it’s so good. I admire the way each actor manages to realise a very extreme character without losing control or believability - the subtlety of dialogue and mannerisms convey the extreme wealth, narcissism, delusion.
Listening:
The podcast on respectful parenting called Unruffled by Janet Lansbury. I’ve dipped in and out of her over the years but the past week have really been tuning back in, as E has been randomly throwing things like Hot Wheels directly at us/windows/Jonas, having biiiiig feelings, meltdowns, inability to follow basic instructions and hitting Jonas. I know ‘triggered’ is overused atm but… I do feel affronted, confused, exasperated, angry! I want to be Unruffled, and I want to believe Janet’s soothing reassurance when she tells me it’s not intentional, malicious or deliberate. I am trying to see this whole phase as an opportunity to just keep trying to the best mum and person I can, without beating myself up when there are particularly hard weeks.
If you are interested in trying out totally doable movement, designed to fit into motherhood and help you feel good in your physical body, come and join me on the mat.
This week I’ve added a 18 minute strength and cardio ‘circuit’ that is fun and feel-good. Lots of modifications if you’re still building capacity or want to find your own groove.